I’ve always loved writing. Journaling has been an outlet for my thoughts, life lessons and general musings for years. After putting it off for far too long, I’ve decided to put them together and create a little corner of the world wide web to call my own and share with you guys! I may still be the only one reading them, but if not, I hope you enjoy these snippets of what goes on inside this brain of mine. First, get to know the girl behind the words.
It’s probably glaringly obvious, but Xtine is short for Christine. Think Christmas and Xmas (although technically it would be ‘Xine’ but we ignore this :p). I know what you’re thinking. It’s still 2 syllables. Well, you’re right – it’s a form of shorthand, but “Ex-Tine” has become a bit of a nickname in itself. One of my aunties keeps a calendar with all our birthdays on it, and my earliest memory of ‘Xtine’ is seeing it written on there (and on all my birthday/Christmas presents) and never questioning it. From then on, it’s been used by myself and anyone else who can’t be bothered to write out all 9 letters of my name.
Okay, but who is Xtine? That’s actually a very difficult question to answer for me, because it encompasses so many things (yep, I’m soooo complex). But seriously, aren’t we all? So many things make us who we are. Humans are the most complex of beings. Hmm, let’s see where this goes. I’m a twenty-something, British-born, Nigerian-by-heritage young professional navigating la vie. I’m very family-oriented (I have 2 brothers and 8374 cousins who are basically extra siblings). I love Jesus, I’m always singing (literally), I’m a plantain advocate (if you know you know). I’m 5ft 11-and-a-half.
I’m as silly as I am serious, I’m extra. I love to laugh. I’m an introverted extrovert. ‘Me time’ is so precious to me, but my love languages are quality time and physical touch. I love people deeply, helping people is genuinely one of my greatest joys. Now, I’m no Mother Theresa – I don’t believe any of us are purely altruistic. I’m impatient. I find it very difficult to see myself the way others do. I’m very hard on myself. I’m working on this and a big part of this journey is just learning to be nicer to myself.
My name means “follower of Christ” and that’s what I am. It doesn’t mean I’m perfect; in fact, it’s quite the opposite. It means I realised how messy I was. I didn’t know how to be ‘good enough’ no matter how hard I tried. I needed someone to show me. Not a mere mortal, nope – not someone just as messy as me. I needed Jesus. And ever since I found Him, I’ve been on a journey of accepting that this feeling of weakness that I resent so much is my human nature, and that there’s nothing I can do about that. So, I might as well stop struggling, and start leaning into His arms – they’re strong enough.
He loves me way too much to leave me how He found me, so yes, He calls me out when I’m wrong. But He doesn’t hold it against me. He wants me to do right, but He doesn’t leave me in the dark. He shows me how. I still mess up, but when I say ‘I’m sorry’, and I mean it, He responds: ‘You’re already forgiven. Now, let’s try again.’
Being saved isn’t just about living a life of freedom, peace, love and joy (which are amazing), and it’s not just about eternity with God. It empowers us to do God’s work because we’re no longer tied down by our own failures. It enables us to operate from a place of forgiveness and right-standing with God. It means that when life hits hard – which, I mean, it’s bound to – we don’t have to face it alone. It’s a beautiful, challenging, worthwhile, lifelong journey and I hope to share my particular journey with you. What this blog is NOT is an example of how to lead the ‘perfect Christian life.’ I’d encourage you to look directly to Jesus for that. It’s simply about my life, my experiences, the lessons I’ve learnt along the way and the things I’m working on to be the best I can be for Him. That’s why it’s a project – it’s far from complete.
As I mentioned on the ‘About’ page, this blog is primarily about faith, mental health, and all the things I love to talk about. For me, faith and mental health go hand in hand. We all have a story to tell and they certainly don’t all look the same. So, please remember that whatever I share on here is my story, and one that’s perpetually being written. The things that have helped me are not necessarily a ‘one size fits all’ solution to whatever it is you may be going through. But, on the off chance that I share something you can relate to, my heart is to encourage you that it can and will get better. I’m a firm believer in the importance of good mental health practices and being intentional about looking after our minds. Don’t worry, it’s not all doom and gloom here! This is a place of hope, love, peace, and wholeness.
I hope you enjoy going down the rabbit-hole that is the blogging world with me, and since this blog is about, well, me… be prepared to hear a LOT about film (Disney/Marvel/Star Wars in particular), plantain, music, people who inspire me and more of the things I’m passionate about.
As always, lots and lots of love,
Xtine
Everyday I’m trying to learn, you know, how I can be less of a mess
‘Cause you know, he showed me
Look Lauryn, you know, you’re the problem, ok
I’m going to show you how you’re causing the problem
And now I want you to be the solution
Just, problem, cause and solution
Free your mind
It’s like, we all think that the gospel is ‘join a church building’, and that’s deception, you know
The real gospel is ‘repent’, which means ‘let go of all that crap that’s killin’ ya’
Life was supposed to be a pleasurable experience, not this torment, you know.”