“O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
Lord, I’m with David.
How long?
“Restore the s p a r k l e to my eyes.”
Sure, I can just about pull off something that resembles a smile. But if you look closely…
you can see it in my eyes.
A window into the soul.
O Lord my God! Illuminate me. Just a glimmer will do.
Don’t let me go out like this.
Did King David suffer from depression?
“Sorrow in my heart every day.” Every day? Persistent low mood or sadness is one of the many complex and widely varying symptoms of depression.* And when you take a look at David’s writing, there’s some pretty gloomy stuff in there.
A significant figure in the story of Christianity, David is well known for three main things: Goliath, being ‘a man after God’s own heart’, and ‘the Bathsheba thing.’ But there’s another facet to this remarkably complex man that doesn’t get quite as much airtime; his emotional struggles.
Whether or not he would satisfy the criteria for a diagnosis of clinical depression in our present day, there’s no doubt that David went through a fair share of turmoil. And to whatever degree, I’m sure we can all relate.
David was incredibly expressive. He wrote many of the psalms; sacred songs to minister to the heart of God in worship– and songs of lament.
Around a third of the psalms are laments, of which Psalm 13 is one of the many laments written by the king himself. A shepherd boy turned flawed monarch, a war hero, a poet, a musician… a frequently troubled soul. Whether he was grieving over his own sin over expressing anxiety over the hot pursuit of his enemies – he would pour out his plight before God in lyrical art.
The Oxford dictionary defines a ‘lament’ as “a passionate expression of grief or sorrow” or, simply, “a complaint.”
It’s taken me a while to reconcile the idea that the Bible – the scripture inspired by the Spirit of God – would contain what are, essentially, complaints to God. And audacious ones at that. Where is the place for it? Isn’t it… disrespectful?
Shouldn’t we be declaring good things at all times? You know, “speaking things into existence” as some say?
I couldn’t make it make sense.
Until it (slowly) dawned on me. Maybe… maybe God wants an intimate, lasting relationship with me, based on genuine affection and real-life, on-a-level, open communication… rather than a distant, transcendent knowledge of Him. Hmm, a thought.
I am learning the place for vulnerability in my relationship with God.
Being real with my Father.
In my profession, I ask the question, “where does it hurt?” a lot. In this context, I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong; I want to know how I can help.
God already knows what’s wrong. He knows exactly where I’m hurting and what’s causing it. But He still wants me to show Him where it hurts. And I’m starting to understand why.
It’s a well-established concept, the idea that we cannot deal with a problem until we’ve acknowledged it. It wasn’t until I started getting vulnerable with God that I could start to experience real healing. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t as cute and pretty as it sounds. It’s painful. But it’s so worth it, and so necessary.
In one of those moments of honest helplessness, He led me to Gethsemane. For those of you who may not be familiar with it, Gethsemane is the garden where Jesus spent a time of prayer on the night of His betrayal, arrest, and subsequent events which would lead to His crucifixion.
Jesus, although perfect, felt pain.
He tells His closest followers in Matthew 26:38:
“My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.”
Well, of course! None of us will ever have to face what He was faced with; not only the reality of the immense physical pain and death that was around the corner, but the unimaginable burden of the weight of the sin of all mankind; past, present and future.
My saviour felt sad and didn’t want to be alone.
In a fleeting ‘if only’ moment, He falls on His face and pleads, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me;” immediately followed up with, “nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” (Matthew 26:39)
In those final moments on the cross we see another honest, heartfelt expression from the Messiah as He cries, “Eli Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me?” (Matthew 27:46). This is an often-quoted scripture, but did you know that Jesus was actually quoting King David? (Psalm 22:1).
If David – and Jesus Christ Himself, who was without sin – could have these authentic encounters with God, then so can His daughter. (That’s me, by the way). And, dare I say it, so can you.
Being honest with God about my feelings has been sooo refreshing. I don’t have to be ‘put together’ in front of Him and it’s sooo liberating. I can now begin to understand what David got out of these cathartic (and, to be honest, cheeky) exchanges with the Lord.
King David may have been a troubled soul, but I’ll tell you; the man had hope. Psalm 13 starts from a place of honesty and transparency with the Father. But this lament doesn’t end in sorrow and self-pity.
Despair turns into prayer which turns into a declaration.
A shift in focus from the anguish of a king to the faithfulness of the King of kings. It ends with confidence in steadfast love, a celebration of God’s power to save, and something that resonates with the core of my existence; a promise to sing.
Xtine
*If you are struggling with any of the symptoms of depression (e.g. persistent low mood, lack of energy & loss of interest in things you usually enjoy) then please consider seeing your GP. There is a wealth of support available, whether or not you receive a diagnosis.
Here are a few other things you can do:
- Talk to a trusted friend or family member
- Refer yourself to a psychological therapies service (you do not need to have a diagnosed mental health condition to do this)
- Call Samaritans, a free 24/7 helpline on 116 123
- For urgent help, you can call NHS 111 or attend your local Emergency Department (A&E)
This is so eloquently written all to and for the glory of God. I love the truth and honesty this piece brings. Well done and thank you.
Thank you so much love xx