“I love you 3000.”
Trigger warning: Mention of trauma and potential PTSD triggers.
And it kinda goes without saying, but *SPOILER ALERT!* Read no further unless you’ve watched most of the films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, or at least Iron Man (2008), The Avengers (2012), Iron Man 3 (2013), Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) and Avengers: Endgame (2019
As one of Marvel’s most iconic heroes, I mean, where does one start?? He is the definition of a complex character.
Annoying. Lovable. Arrogant. Hilarious. Stubborn. Genius. Playboy. He gives us so much.
What would the Avengers be without Iron Man? So many of my favourite moments (outside of any Cap scene) involve Tony Stark in some way. He is an enigma. Pure, unadulterated cinematic entertainment. Movie gold.
As with many highly regarded and admired individuals in this life, he carries with him some heavy burdens. A personal sense of responsibility for the safety of not only his nearest and dearest, but of all mankind, for one. Then there’s his need to always do and be better.
Prior to becoming Iron Man, Tony is your archetypal carefree, self-absorbed billionaire, following his father’s footsteps by making his fortune in the arms industry.
It’s not until he has his first of many near-death experiences in Iron Man (2008) that his eyes are opened to the part he’s been playing in the destruction left behind by the pain of war. He vows to use his genius for good. It’s a path to redemption, but also to the exceedingly great pressure of superhero status.
In the Battle of New York at the end of The Avengers – or, Avengers Assemble (2012), Iron Man saves the day. As he propels himself into the unknown, carrying a literal missile into a wormhole of untold peril, a quick close-up of his face reveals an acute awareness of his likely imminent demise.
Saviour complex? Genuine selflessness? It’s not exactly clear cut, but I think that’s where the beauty of individual interpretation comes in. One thing is for certain; Tony’s self-sacrificing tendencies don’t end here by any stretch.
The aftermath of the alien invasion and subsequent battle in NYC is more than extensive collateral infrastructural damage and a colossal clean-up effort. It takes its toll on Tony’s mental health. I mean, wouldn’t it?
In Iron Man 3 (2013), we see that Tony is probably suffering from undiagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in relation to the events of the Battle of New York. PTSD is an anxiety disorder caused by significantly distressing experiences or events. It can affect anyone and is seen in about 1 in 3 people who have had an experience that was traumatic to them. (Trauma is subjective!) Some examples include but are not limited to sexual assault, childhood abuse, muggings, road traffic accidents and war (civilian trauma as well as experiences in combat).
Some of the main symptoms of PTSD include insomnia, nightmares & flashbacks, feeling “on edge,” difficulty concentrating and irritability. We can pick up pretty much all of these watching Tony, including sudden onslaughts of anxiety in the form of panic attacks (as diagnosed by J.A.R.V.I.S).
PTSD can develop immediately after trauma, but sometimes a reaction can lay dormant for weeks, months or even years before starting to manifest. (It’s never too late to seek help, though – it’s possible to successfully treat PTSD, even many years after the initial event).
‘Coping mechanisms’
There are a number of psychological therapies and treatment options available to help people experiencing PTSD (read more about them here). But on a day-today basis, we all have a range of mechanisms we call upon to cope with stress or trauma, whether or not we recognise them as coping mechanisms.
These can range from constructive activities like seeking support, positive reframing and artistic expression… to less helpful behaviours like drug and alcohol misuse, social withdrawal, emotional numbing and avoidance.
Tony utilises several coping mechanisms throughout the MCU which we can potentially identify – not least of all humour. In the third Iron Man feature, two are noticeably evident: distraction and problem solving. In other words; keeping hella busy, whilst simultaneously searching for a solution to the threat of another alien attack.
He spends multiple sleepless nights building tons of Iron suits – the Iron Legion – much to the frustration of Ms. Potts. And he can’t help but get involved with issues probably best left to the military.
Will crippling anxiety finally force him to take some time out to prioritise his own well-being? And even, dare I say it, get some help? Oh, of course not. For one, he’s Iron Man. For two, he’s freakin’ Tony Stark.
Three years after the events of Iron Man 3, in a prime example of a self-fulfilling prophecy, Tony’s vision of the death of his beloved comrades leads him to inadvertently create the ominous, hungry-for-human-extinction AI antihero that is Ultron.
He just always has to save the day, doesn’t he(?) *rolls eyes.*
But I don’t think it’s coming from a place of pure self-importance. He’s had a bit of time to learn and grow by this point. Slowly, yes – but we cannot deny that he’s come a long way. Beneath the sarcasm and egotism, is a man who fears only one thing more than failure; losing the people he loves. But combined with that fear of failure is the worst imaginable outcome: losing the people he loves because he failed to save them.
He needs to build “a suit of armour around the world.”
It’s this profound burden that he carries with him all the way into his final moments, as he saves the day one last time in Avengers: Endgame (2019). I’ll never be able to watch Pepper tell him, “You can rest now,” without weeping, it’s just not possible. Between her pain and his incredible weight? A myth. He’d been trying to save the world for so long and he finally did… and it took everything from him.
We can take a lot on our shoulders sometimes too, especially if we’ve been branded “over-achievers” all our lives, or if we’ve given ourselves superhero status. It come with a hefty dose of pressure.
I want to put a challenge to you: let go of the burden. You probably don’t have to save the world. Follow your calling, yes. Do all you can to help others, yes. But please don’t neglect your own well-being, and please do operate from a place of rest. I’m blessed as Christian to be able to access this rest from Jesus. Whoever you are, whatever you believe – there is help available as outlined below.
‘Cause, guess what?
It’s okay if you’re the one that needs saving. It’s okay if you need help to work through some trauma.
If you’ve experienced a traumatic event, it’s normal to have upsetting or confusing thoughts for a period of up to a few weeks afterwards. If you find that you are still having difficult experiences after a few weeks, or if you are having trouble coping at any point, you can see your GP who can advise you on any further assessment or support that you may need. Whether or not you are diagnosed with PTSD, there is support available to help with your very real experiences. As always, as well as making an appointment with your GP, you can:
- Talk to a trusted friend or family member
- Refer yourself to a psychological therapies service (you do not need to have a diagnosed mental health condition to do this)
- Call Samaritans, a free 24/7 helpline on 116 123
- For urgent help, you can call NHS 111 or attend your local Emergency Department (A&E)
Find out more about PTSD, including shared experiences from people who have been affected by it, and self-care tips on the Mind mental health charity website.
Remember; there’s no shame in needing help, even if you’re a hero.
I love you 3000.
Xtine
Many have suffered from undiagnosed traumatic events that have affected them for years.
The good news is there are ways out. People don’t have to live with it.
So true! Xx