It’s not unusual for me to cry whilst watching a film. It’s also not unusual for me to cry whilst watching an animated film, being that they are some of my favourite films ever. I am now totally convinced that Pixar exists for the sole purpose of draining the human tear ducts— or at least mine. The storytelling is perfectly designed to pull on the heart strings and push the deepest emotional buttons. Coco. Brave. Toy Story 3. Big Hero 6. Onward. Soul. SOUL! to name but a few Disney Pixar collabs that have made me bawl.
But there is one film— or should I now say, franchise— that has not only succeeded in getting me to weep, but has profoundly impacted my understanding of the function and regulation of the very emotions it evokes.
I’m sure you can guess which films I’m referring to and you’d be right— Inside Out (2015) and Inside Out 2 (2024). If you haven’t watched these films, then please DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER until you have. Consider this your spoiler alert! And please do watch them because they are wonderful.
‘Bonding moments’
The films follow the life of Riley, a pre-teen turned teen whose emotions are the main characters. To start with, it’s just Riley and Joy. This is the first thing I would like to unpack. I can’t remember most of the first four years of my life, and I certainly can’t remember the first few minutes. But I can imagine that my emotions probably weren’t that complex. Sure, I came out crying, but that’s understandable because I had just spent the last 9 months having a nice warm bath and now I had been squeezed out of quite a narrow tube into a cold, white room with strange creatures cooing at me and passing me around. I had absolutely no idea what was going on, except that I probably wanted to go back to where they’d gotten me from. I’m drawing this conclusion from my expression in this photo.
However, once I had acclimatised to my new surroundings and shared some oxytocin-fuelled bonding moments with the nice lady who squeezed me out, I am sure that I felt something that I now understand as “Joy.” Simple, unadulterated happiness and contentment. That is, until I got hungry. Or tired. Or needed changing.
Cue main character number 2 who turns up to join Joy inside the mind of Riley. Throughout most of the first film, Sadness serves as an irritation and nuisance to Joy, whose singular goal is to ensure that Riley is as happy as humanly possible.
When Riley and her parents move to a new city, Sadness— much to Joy’s annoyance— feels compelled to touch some of Riley’s happy memories, represented as coloured spheres. By touching them, they turn from a bright yellowish-gold to blue, and Riley experiences the memories as sad. Joy cannot understand why Sadness is doing this, and does everything in her power to stop it. A tussle results in Joy and Sadness being shunted out of headquarters into ‘long-term memory’, where they start a lengthy and gruelling journey back to HQ. Meanwhile, the three other main characters— Anger, Fear and Disgust— are unwittingly wreaking havoc back at HQ, unchecked. You can imagine the results.
‘Artificial happiness’
There is a beautiful moment where Bing Bong, Riley’s long lost imaginary friend who Joy and Sadness had bumped into, is upset because he has lost his rocket. He had always wanted to fly Riley to the moon and is probably feeling both redundant and grieved. Joy tries to cheer him up with positive words and humour. Sadness, following her instincts, sits beside Bing Bong. She expresses an understanding of why he is sad by saying, “They took something that you loved.” This encourages Bing Bing to open up, share memories of Riley, and to let out a few tears as Sadness offers him a hug. Bing Bong feels better after this encounter and the three continue their journey. When Joy asks Sadness how she did it, she responds, “—I don’t know, he was sad and so I listened to what—“ before being interrupted.
“He was sad, and so I listened.” This statement plays over and over in my mind.
Inside Out culminates in Joy finally realising that Riley needed Sadness to help her process her season of transition. She needed Sadness to be able to miss her old friends, old school and old life. When Sadness is eventually given permission to turn the memories blue, Riley is able to cry it out with her parents and receive comfort from them. In a stunning scene, Joy and Sadness create a new memory together as Riley feels the warmth of a comforting embrace in the midst of pain. The resulting coloured sphere is a perfect blend of blue and gold.
It’s interesting to me that Joy wasn’t able to comfort Bing Bong and this is definitely something I can relate to. ‘Patching things up’ with artificial happiness isn’t usually the answer for me. When I allow myself to feel an unpleasant emotion, I usually end up feeling better. After I have let it run its cathartic course, I often find myself in a more enlightened position from which to tackle the underlying issue.
‘The principle’
In Inside Out 2, we are introduced to few more emotions now that Riley is a bit older. The most significant of these is Anxiety. She appears as a very keen new employee who is eager to help wherever she can. Before long, a few seemingly innocent suggestions spiral into an unnerving dictatorship.
What is interesting to me is that throughout the narrative, it is evident that Anxiety’s intentions are to protect Riley from potential harm and to make her the ‘best’ version of herself. This may sound good, but if you read between the lines you can appreciate how insidious anxiety can be. It promises to have your best interests at heart. It says it will keep you safe. Yet its detrimental effects are displayed through the unravelling of Riley’s self-esteem, passions, relationships, and ultimately, her Joy.
Anxiety declares war against the hypothetical enemy, ‘Things That Could Go Wrong’ and in the process, robs Riley of her present joy.
I know I said you shouldn’t read further if you haven’t watched these films, but I imagine that some of you probably read further anyway. If this is you, hi! I hope you’ve enjoyed reading so far regardless. I would still strongly encourage you to watch them.
Inside Out 2, in particular, deals beautifully with the nuances of anxiety and sense of self. I won’t say too much more about it as I’d love for you to see it and tell me what you think. While you’re at it, why not read “Don’t Worry About It, Sweetheart” and “Self-love” where I explore some of my own experiences in relation to these themes.
To summarise my learning from these films, the ultimate take home point for me is that every emotion has a purpose. Whether it feels good or bad, it is present for a reason— which is usually to tell us something.
Let’s go back for a minute to infant me. Whether I was cold, hungry, tired or uncomfortable, I expressed and communicated this through crying. This alerted my parents and carers to my needs, which were subsequently met.
Today, my emotions (and, thankfully, my expression of said emotions) are much more complex than this. However, the principle remains the same. An unpleasant emotion tells me that something is not quite right and should ideally be addressed. In the same way that physical pain tells me that I probably shouldn’t attempt to do a half-marathon on a broken ankle.
If I’m feeling sad, is it because I feel hurt by the actions of another? Were they solely at fault or did I have a part to play? Maybe I should talk things through with them.
Or is it because I’m feeling disappointed about something that I haven’t achieved? Maybe I can try again, being more compassionate and patient with myself in the process.
Or is it because I’ve lost something irreplaceably dear to me? Maybe I need to reach out for support which might be in the form of a loved one, counselling or therapy.
‘No longer sad’
Brené Brown— a researcher who specialises in courage, vulnerability and shame— suggests that there is no way to isolate and exclusively numb an emotion. Humans exhibit many numb-seeking behaviours; whether it’s shopping, eating, texting an ex or substance misuse. But she reckons that in seeking to numb the emotions that we don’t want to feel, we end up inadvertently numbing everything. I can certainly see how this could be the case. It’s difficult to experience genuine joy, peace and freedom without first grappling with the painful emotions that seem to be holding them hostage. Pulling them apart is no less painful than having your eyebrows waxed, but in a similar sense, the results are (usually) favourable.
My joy, peace and freedom have come from my relationship with Jesus, and the journey has definitely not been without some agonising but liberating emotional overhauls.
It’s tempting to avoid feeling unpleasant emotions because, quite simply, they are unpleasant. Sadness, fear, disappointment, anger, loneliness, resentment. But— as I touched on earlier— I find that I gain much from confronting them head on. Interrogating them until they give up their secrets. Riding their waves until I am close enough to the shore of understanding to safely disembark.
I’m encouraged by Hannah, who recognised that her weeping and food refusal were born from an unmet desire to have a child.
“Deeply hurt, Hannah prayed to the Lord and wept with many tears.”
1 Samuel 1:10 CSB
She doesn’t shy away from her pain, but brings it to God, not keeping a single tear from Him. She is vulnerable with the Lord. She describes herself as a “woman with a broken heart… pouring out her heart before the Lord… praying from the depths of [her] anguish and resentment.” (1 Samuel 1:15-16). Her feelings lead to action and for Hannah, that means prayer— specifically, for a son. I am always deeply struck by what happens next. She goes away, starts to eat again, and the text tells us that “her face was no longer sad.” (1 Samuel 1:18).
Hannah’s prayer hadn’t even been answered yet! But she already felt better. Why? I can’t help but believe that she felt better because she had not only owned and opened up about her feelings (like Bing Bong), but because she knew that she had left things in the hands of someone who could change her situation.
I neither want to wallow in my feelings nor ignore them. I read somewhere that emotions are like children; you don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t put them in the boot either. I like to think of emotions as passengers with their seatbelts firmly on, going wherever the driver is taking them. They might make a few suggestions along the way— “Take a left here!” or “I know a shortcut!” But alas, they are at the mercy of the driver, who gets to decide whether what they’re suggesting is worth taking on board.
Of course, this kind of emotional regulation isn’t always easy and is not learnt overnight. Although this may be particularly true for people who have a diagnosis that affects their mental health, it could also be the case for anyone from time to time. Emotions can be overwhelming and difficult to get on top of. This is where we must give ourselves grace. We can only do our best, and sometimes, our best looks like reaching out for help in one form or another.
‘Release it’
I have found the closest friend there ever was with whom to share my emotions. The One who made me, knows me better than I know myself, listens perfectly, comforts perfectly and counsels perfectly. The One who has the ability to change my situation, like He did with Hannah. I can call Him any time of day or night, He’s never too busy, He’s never tired, and He doesn’t mind me giving Him my burdens and heavy emotions. In fact, He actually encourages me to: “Cast your burden on the Lord [release it] and He will sustain and uphold you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken (slip, fall, fail). [1 Pet 5:7]”
Psalms 55:22 AMP
“…casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully]. [Ps 55:22]”
1 Peter 5:7 AMP
He hasn’t always been my first port of call as He should be, because I desire human connection, affection, reassurance, support and validation just as much as the next person. But I want to put God first in this area and that is something I’m working on.
I hope I’ve convinced you that emotions are our friends! Some of them may feel more like frenemies, but my hope and prayer is that we learn to understand what they are telling us, know when and how to respond to them, have the courage to get help when we’re struggling with them and, like Riley, let Joy take the lead.
All my love,
Xtine
If you are struggling to cope with your emotions, here are a few things you can do:
- Talk to a trusted friend or family member
- Make an appointment with your GP
- Refer yourself to a psychological therapies service (you do not need to have a diagnosed mental health condition to do this)
- Call Samaritans, a free 24/7 helpline on 116 123
- For urgent help, you can call NHS 111 and select option 2 or attend your local Emergency Department (A&E)