’Twas the very first night of university, as a slightly more fresh-faced version of yours truly excitedly got herself ready for her first Freshers’ event. Finally! Let’s see what all the ‘first year’ fuss is about. I donned my white T-shirt – as was apparently customary – and headed over to the Blue Bar for an evening of mingling and pleasantries.
Not long after arriving at the bar, it dawned on me that this wasn’t going to be the type of evening I’d anticipated – you know, getting to know people, making friends etc.
It was barely possible to engage in conversation, owing to the fact that I was, in overwhelming minority, sober; and had no intention of changing that. I don’t think I’d ever felt more out of place. It wasn’t that I hadn’t expected to be surrounded by the effects of alcohol to at least some degree; I guess I just hadn’t expected to feel quite so alone.
I retreated to my room while the night was still young, unable to shake a certain sinking feeling.
I lay awake interrogating myself: ‘Have I made a horrible mistake? Have I chosen the wrong uni? Am I going to feel this miserable and out of place for the next 5 years?’ (I know, drama. With the benefit of hindsight, I now know, of course, that a culture of inebriation is quite typical of most, if not all, unis… and that, naturally, there would be plenty of interactions sans alcool to come!)
Every time I try to identify where the first anxious thoughts crept in, I’m taken back to this particular night. I still don’t completely understand how they snowballed from there; but one thing that’s clear on reflection is that the sheer alien-ness of university was the perfect environment for anxiety to flourish.
Anxiety about what exactly? It’s hard to pin-point one thing. Sometimes, nothing at all. But mostly, a range of potential outcomes based on minimal real-time evidence.
What is anxiety?
Anxiety is a feeling of unease, worry or fear that can vary in severity and duration. Everyone has feelings of anxiety at certain points in their life, and in some situations it’s completely normal to feel anxious – exams, public speaking, driving tests, interviews… you know the ones.
Everyone deals with anxieties in different ways, and some find them harder to cope with than others. This can lead to more constant feelings of anxiety rather than purely situational anxiety. When this becomes distressing or starts to affect everyday life, it may be a sign of an underlying anxiety disorder.
Some people have specific anxiety-related diagnoses such as generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) or certain phobias. Some may require treatment in the form of psychological therapies and/or medications.
But many people who experience anxiety don’t have an anxiety disorder. Some because they’ve never sought help, and others simply because they don’t meet the criteria for these diagnoses.
These people are still experiencing very real anxiety – because we all do.
In Overcome, I shared the World Health Organisation definition of health: “a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”
The absence of an anxiety disorder is not the absence of anxiety. Anxiety is a feeling, and one that we all find ourselves having to deal with at one point or another. (And not always in the neat little situations where anxiety is ‘allowed’ – exams, public speaking, driving tests, interviews… again, you know the ones.)
The absence of an anxiety disorder is neither the absence of anxiety nor the absence of available support. Anyone can go through periods of time when they’re struggling to cope with their anxieties – even if they’re situational – and anyone can seek support whenever they need to (see end of article).
‘Don’t worry’
I, like many people, don’t have an anxiety disorder. I speak from the perspective of someone who has experienced very real anxiety – the feeling – in varying severities, and in response to various situations, over the years.
“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart.”
If only it were that easy. Our minds can be so stubborn. It’s still very much a work in progress, and it’s still not particularly easy – but ‘not worrying’ is certainly becoming easier because of a few things I’m learning.
I’ve put together a non-exhaustive list of five intentional habits that have helped me deal with everyday worries and anxieties.
1. Recognising the irrational.
I have little trouble identifying when a fear is irrational (which, I must say, is subjective). But annoyingly, this revelation in itself doesn’t do much to help dispel the fear.
For me, the trick has been to not only recognise that a fear is irrational, but to accept that said fear is irrational. It’s at this point – when I’ve learnt to stop wrestling with it and rather allow it to run its irrational course – that I find its irrational course is usually quite short.
2. Acknowledging the futility of worry.
Whether a fear is irrational or completely reasonable, one thing I’ve come to understand is the futility of worry.
The Cambridge dictionary defines ‘worry’ as, “to think about problems or unpleasant things that might happen in a way that makes you feel unhappy and frightened.”
I picked up two interesting points from this definition, and one question.
The points:
- Worry appears to involve active participation on our part (thinking).
- It’s not just the thinking, but the way in which we think that constitutes worry.
The question:
What’s the endpoint of worry? Its conclusion, its ultimate purpose? Asides to “feel unhappy and frightened”?
We know that fear finds its ultimate purpose in ensuring survival. But what about worry? Is it the same? What ultimate purpose does it serve? Well, let’s look at the difference between fear and worry.
Fear says, ‘Oh dear, there’s a lion. I’d better run, unless I want to be dinner.’
Worry says, ‘I sure do hope I don’t run into a lion. Oh dear, but what if I do? What a dreadful thought. Now I feel utterly dreadful.’
Both entail the same essential emotion, but only one seems practical. The other sounds like punishment.
That wasn’t a perfect illustration, of course; because for us humans, both fear and worry are a little more complicated than that.
One could even argue that ‘Worry’ has the upper hand in this scenario. He’s aware of the potential danger of running into a lion, and does well to avoid it. Right?
Sure.
But isn’t it possible to be aware of the danger of a thing without entertaining the ‘worry’ factor?
“A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions…” – Proverbs 27:12 NLT
The ability to foresee danger is not the same as worrying.
The awareness of potential danger should ideally motivate us to take precautionary action, if possible. To worry is to simply to dwell on the potential danger and feel sad and uneasy about it.
I’d like to suggest to you that it’s quite possible “to think about problems or unpleasant things that might happen in a way that DOES NOT make you feel unhappy and frightened.”
This is the way of thinking that I’m learning to adopt; one that says, ‘If I can prevent this thing, why worry? I’ll simply prevent it. And indeed, If I can’t prevent this thing, why worry? That would be even more pointless.’
Worry is futile.
Should this help me worry less? Yes. Does it always? No. Could there be hope for us all if we’d be more intentional about acknowledging the futility of worry? I think so.
“Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” – Matthew 6:27 NLT
3. Displacing negative thoughts.
It’s the ‘pink elephants’ phenomenon, essentially. ‘Trying not to worry’ just may be the very thing that ensures my worrying.
Replacing worrisome thoughts with life-giving ones has been much more effective. And not just random ‘happy thoughts’, but intentionally reframing the very thoughts that are making me anxious.
‘What if it goes wrong?’ becomes, ‘What if it goes right?’
‘Wouldn’t it be awful if I never got the chance to _______________?’ becomes, ‘Wouldn’t it be amazing if one day I could _______________?’
And so on.
4. Letting the worst case scenario play out.
Okay, admittedly, this one is definitely not for everyone.
Imagining the worst case scenario can be distressing and if your mind is particularly imaginative, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this. I can only offer from my experience, as a Christian, the benefit I have found from practising this.
Many of the fears I’ve entertained over the years have surrounded the perceived health and well-being of my loved ones, and more recently, myself.
Although I’ve always believed it, I now know that I serve a God who defeated death itself through the ultimate act of self-sacrifice and love; against which evil could never win and indeed has already lost.
So, although this world may appear to be full of calamity, I find my ultimate hope in knowing that death need not be the end and that eternal joy starts right here, in this present moment.
Now, that isn’t to say that I’m suddenly unafraid of pain or death or that grief is not very real (because, like you, I’m human). But there is a transcendent peace in the knowledge that the ‘worst cases’ in any my scenarios do not exist outside of the perfect love of my God. He demonstrated this by giving me, through Jesus, the greatest gift I could ever desire; Himself.
Everything else begins to pale into insignificance.
5. Living out scripture.
My brethren! We all know the ‘anxiety’ scriptures. Right? Right??
It’s not that we get tired of them, but we hear them over and over (and over) again. And when it’s not always our reality, we get disillusioned. Let me know if I’m only speaking for myself…
Anyhow. The way I interact with the Bible has changed over time, from reading and studying, to the words leaping out of the page and etching themselves onto my heart. And it wasn’t until I’d begun to experience this that these words could start to become life to me. And certainly not until I’d begun to appreciate the power of the Word of God; alive and active, sharper than a double-edged sword dividing even soul and spirit (see Hebrews 4:12).
It’s only from a place of conviction that these words are true – as opposed to trying to convince myself that they are – that they have become my reality.
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7 NIV
“In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.” – Psalms 94:19 NKJV
“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” – Isaiah 26:3 NLT
“Don’t worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks for what you have. And because you belong to Christ Jesus, God’s peace will stand guard over all your thoughts and feelings. His peace can do this far better than our human minds.” – Philippians 4:6-7 ERV
‘Not as the world gives’
My experiences of anxiety have not been those of an anxiety disorder, but they have formed significant chapters of the story of my life so far.
I couldn’t possibly compare where I am now to where I’ve been. My healing process has been rooted in my relationship with the Prince of Peace Himself; daily falling in love with His person; immersing myself in His words; fixing my thoughts on Him; casting my anxieties on Him because He cares for me; letting His comforts delight my soul; giving thanks to Him for what I already have. His Peace – which is infinitely better than mine – is faithful to stand guard over all my thoughts and emotions. This is my reality.
We can all struggle; whoever we are, whatever we believe, and whether or not we have a diagnosis. It’s vital that we are all intentional about looking after our everyday mental health. Not meeting the criteria for a clinical diagnosis nor needing to interact with mental health services does not illegitimise your experiences. Your general mental health is still vitally important, and your experiences are still very, very real.
I’ve shared some of the intentional things that have helped make my mind a more pleasant place to live. What about you?
Whatever you may find helps you, it’s still important to seek professional help if you feel you need it. This doesn’t look the same for everyone – it’s specific to your needs, no matter how ‘minor’ they might appear in comparison to someone else’s. And I will continue to scream that there’s no shame in it.
Anxiety at certain times is completely normal; but you should see your GP if anxiety is affecting your daily life or causing you distress. Your GP can ask about your symptoms, worries, fears and emotions, and help to figure out whether you might be suffering from an anxiety disorder. Whether or not a diagnosis is made, they can talk you through the help available.
As always, as well as making an appointment with your GP, you can:
- Talk to a trusted friend or family member
- Refer yourself to a psychological therapies service (you do not need to have a diagnosed mental health condition to do this)
- Call Samaritans, a free 24/7 helpline on 116 123
- For urgent help, you can call NHS 111 or attend your local Emergency Department (A&E)
As always, lots and lots of love
Xtine
“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
John 14:27 NKJV
Thank you Christine, you’ve put into words experiences that I struggle to verbalise 🙂
You’re more than welcome 🙂